An Interesting Dinner with Emmett
by awesomelycoolwolfgirl
Summary: Emmett and the rest of the Cullens go to Bella's house for dinner one night, and Emmett makes up crazy excuses to keep from eating food. Set in the time right after Eclipse, in Bella's POV. ONE-SHOT
1. Chapter 1

**Hey peoples! It's me, attempting to write my very first one-shot. Please R&R when you're done, and if you haven't read my other two stories, please read them.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Yup, it's true (unfortunately).**

**Enjoy!**

**Emmett's Dinnertime Excuses**

It was Christmas Eve, and the white flecks of snow were falling from the cloudy sky, coating the ground everywhere in soft, smooth, blankets.

About two weeks ago Charlie had come up with an 'amazing plan' to invite everyone to our house to Christmas Eve dinner. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.

All of the Cullen's were coming, despite their' lacking appetite for human food. Charlie refused to let them host yet another Christmas dinner which, frankly, I didn't mind, because whenever there was some dinner type party at the Cullen's, Alice would…overdo it. The werewolves were also attending, but I have no idea how we're going to cram everyone in this tiny house.

I pulled on a pair of denim blue jeans and a dark green sweater. My hair hung over my shoulders, so I just let it be. There was no use trying to look decent next to Edward, or any other member of the Cullen family.

Just then the doorbell rang. I bolted down the stairs, and being my klutzy self, tripped on the last step. Charlie, who was watching the baseball game, ran over to help me.

"You okay Bells?" he asked. "Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, wiping some dust off my sweater.

He walked over and opened the door, revealing the very gorgeous Edward. I ran over to give Edward a hug, and wrapped my arms around him.

"Merry Christmas, Bella" he whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. Unlocking my arms from Edward, I stepped back to greet the rest of the Cullen's.

Emmett shoved past Edward, earning a glare, and started to walk toward me with his arms wide open and a stupid smile on his face. I backed away slowly.

"C'mon, Bella, I just want a hug!" Emmett said. He kept advancing toward me until my back ran into the wall. He took that as an opportunity to grab me in his very muscular arms.

"Emmett…can't…breathe…" I choked out.

"Emmett! Let go! Her face it turning blue!" Carlisle whisper/yelled so Charlie wouldn't hear. Finally he unlatched his arms from around me and I fell back onto the ground gasping for air. Edward came and helped me up.

"Emmett…" Edward growled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to!" Emmett said with his hands up taking defensive steps toward the door.

It was really good timing, though, when Jacob and the pack arrived. Jacob burst through the door which swung back and slammed into the wall behind it, leaving a nice big dent. All of the other werewolves started to laugh as they made their' way into the living room to watch sports. Jake stayed right were he was.

"Oops," he said, slightly wincing at the done damage. I just noticed that he had a Santa hat on. It was a good look for him. Turning around, Jacob looked at me and flashed a perfect white smile, and started approaching me for another death hug. I'm pretty sure my face looked terrified, because Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Emmett had to press their' lips in hard lines to keep from exploding from laughter that threatened to erupt.

Quickly, without another thought, I turned around and dashed behind Edward, using him as my shield. He chuckled and pulled me into his arms.

"What's with her?" Jake asked, directing the question at Edward before gently swinging the door back into place.

"She just doesn't like _dogs_," Rosalie said, sneering the last word. I rolled my eyes. I guess it was going to be one of _those _days. Or nights. But luckily before this would end in war, Charlie poked his head out of the kitchen followed by fumes of grey smoke.

"Um, Bells? Yeah, I just burnt all four of the hams, so we might just be 'havin turkey sandwiches as the main course tonight…" I groaned internally. When Charlie told me that he was letting me off the hook by handling the cooking for Christmas Eve Dinner, I knew it would end up like this.

Groaning yet again, I shuffled into the kitchen and turned on the fan while I disposed of the burnt meat while Charlie was frantically scoping out our fridge for turkey.

"Bella," he said finally, "can you run to the store really quick and get a few pounds of turkey? It's too late to try and cook the ham again."

"Sure thing," I answered, walking to the door. I reached for my keys, but I was stopped by a pale, pixie-like hand stopped me. Glancing over at Alice with a raised eyebrow, she took a large silver platter from Jasper and smiled a dazzling pixie smile at me.

"Don't worry Bella, I saw this coming. I had Esme make two turkeys and three hams. Now tell me, who's the greatest best friend in the history of _ever?_" she asked. Laughing, I gave her a hug. I loved the advantages of having a psychic best friend. "You are, Alice."

About an hour later, we all decided it was time to eat. Charlie served each of us a fair portion of each food, but then stopped when he got to the Cullen's. According to his next moves, all the times of the Cullen's passing on dinner were not about to stop Charlie in serving them, too. I laughed at all of their' faces when he handed them their' food. Emmett practically started to gag on the spot.

"Well, dig in everyone!" Charlie announced as all of the werewolves began pigging out. Carlisle poked at his food with his fork before spearing a small bite of ham and slowly bringing it to his mouth. He finally placed it in his mouth, cringing as he did so. The rest of the Cullen's (except Emmett, what's with him?) followed Carlisle's example and did the same. I felt so bad for them when it came to being forced to eat human food, so they wouldn't be exposed. They'd just have to cough it back up later.

Emmett still hasn't even touched his food, and Charlie was staring at him. Rose shoved him in the stomach in attempt to get his attention, but nothing. His eyes were locked on his plate.

"It's Emmett, isn't it son?" Charlie asked. Emmett nodded. "Well, why don't you try your ham?" he asked again.

Then he replied, "Umm… I would, but…I'm allergic. Yeah, that's it! I'm allergic to pig products. Sorry."

"Oh, well how about your potatoes?"

"I would, but they are…a…bad luck. Yes, those potatoes give me bad luck!" I started to laugh with the Cullen's at Emmett's ridiculous excuses. Only he would think of unlucky potatoes.

"Try your green beans, then," Charlie pressed. Emmett suddenly stood up from his chair and put his right foot on the coffee table. He pounded his fist against his chest. Oh no. I know what this meant. No, not another…_Emmett lecture. _The last one ended up almost burning down the Cullen's whole house, not to mention themselves.

"It gives me bad rashes," he said.

"What about your jell-o?"

"Jell-o makes me constipated." Jacob and his friends had abandoned their' food (shocker, I know) and were know howling with laughter, and rolling on the floor clutching their' sides.

Charlie sighed. "Your pasta?" he asked.

"I grow wings when I eat pasta," Emmett said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I fell out of my chair laughing hysterically at Emmett's choice of words.

But Charlie didn't seem to notice, he just went on trying to get Emmett to take a bite of his food.

"Won't you at least take one bite of your salad?"

"Nope, because it makes me hear voices," he said, tapping his forehead.

I took this as a chance to interrupt. "Emmett, you do know that your conscience can't actually communicate with you, right?"

He looked over at me with a grin that could've made a movie star jealous.

"You don't know that Bella. My conscience is very knowledgeable. That's why I always have such wise words of wisdom." Everyone started laughing again. Emmett could be a comedian if he wanted to.

"And let me guess," Charlie started, "You're unable to eat your mushrooms because…?"

Then Emmett said the funniest thing yet;

"Because they could be venomous, duh."

I'm pretty sure if the Cullen's could cry they'd be bawling their' eyes out right now because of Emmett.

"Don't you mean poisonous, Emmett?" Jasper asked in between laughs.

"Yeah, that's what I meant," Emmett replied.

"I got them pre-packaged at a store," I stated.

Emmett then stood up again and yelled, "A-ha! So they could be venomous!"

"Poisonous, Emmett!" we all said in unison.

**Ok, so there it is! My very first one-shot! I know, not that good, but please review anyway and tell me if you liked it, and there's a new poll on my profile, please check it out. =]**

**-Wolfy**


	2. Important AN, includes sequel info

**Alright, I know how much everyone hates these really boring author's notes, but I promise to make them fun!!! So to achieve my goal of making this a fun author's note…-hands everyone balloons and cookies.- There, that should shut you up for a bit.**

**Ok, so first I should start off by telling all of you wonderful reviewers how incredibly awesome you are! –gives the wonderful reviewers some milk to go with your cookies.- Also, thanks so much for everyone who added this story to their' favorites. But in case some of you didn't know, this story was a ONE-SHOT, meaning I only wrote one chapter and I won't write anymore of the story. Sad, I know. But, I have good news!!!**

**You guys can go to my lovely profile and take the poll at the top of the page asking if I should write a sequel to 'An Interesting Dinner with Emmett, School Edition,' or something like that, were Emmett goes to school and makes up obnoxious excuses for not having his assignments. So please go and vote!!!**

**Thank you so much everyone!!!**

**-Wolfy**


	3. Need to Know

**The sequel is up! Please take a look at it; I'm not sure if it's that good. Review you lovely readers! Go read it and review of I'll summon Charlie the Unicorn from candy mountain to take your socks! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm evil. Heh heh, anyways, if you haven't read AIM starring the Cullens, I suggest you do that. I'm told it is funny. Sooo…**

**OMC…I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY MOMMY DOESN'T LIKE 'I GOT A FEELING' BY THE BLACK EYED PEAS!!! HOW DARE SHE!!! TRAITOR!!!**

**Anyways, I don't want this page to go to a complete waste, so…let's sing it so I can annoy my mom! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any songs, except that one I made up about pie…**

I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good good night (x3)  
Tonight's the night night

**(Oh yeeeeeaaaaaahhhh!!!!)**

Let's live it up  
I got my money  
Let's spend it up  
Go out and smash it  
Like Oh My God  
Jump off that sofa  
Let's get get OFF  
I know that we'll have a ball  
If we get down  
And go out  
And just loose it all  
I feel stressed out  
I wanna let it go  
Lets go way out spaced out  
And loosing all control  
Fill up my cup  
Mozoltov  
Look at her dancing  
Just take it off  
Lets paint the town  
We'll shut it down  
Let's burn the roof  
And then we'll do it again

**Don't be afraid to REALLY let yourself get crazy!**

Lets Do it (x3)  
And live it up  
I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good good night (x2)  
Tonight's the night  
Let's live it up  
I got my money  
Lets spend it up

Go out and smash it  
Like Oh My God  
Jump off that sofa  
Lets get get OFF

**(Go ahead and stand up and release all those mad dance skills!)  
**

Fill up my cup (Drink)  
Mozolotov (Lahyme)  
Look at her dancing (Move it Move it)  
Just take it off  
Lets paint the town  
We'll shut it down  
Lets burn the roof  
And then we'll do it again  
Lets do it (x3)  
Let's live it up  
Here we come  
Here we go  
We gotta rock  
Easy come  
Easy go  
Now we on top  
Feel the shot  
Body rock  
Rock it don't stop  
Round and round  
Up and down  
Around the clock  
Monday, Tuesday,  
Wednesday, Thursday,  
Friday, Saturday,  
Saturday and Sunday  
Get get get get get  
With us you know what we say  
Party everyday p-p-p-party  
Party everyday

**(Here it comes! Sing as loud as possible here! Scream it to the world!)**

I gotta feeling that tonight gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good good night(x2)

**Good job guys! So please go and read the sequel! Hope you like it!**

**-Wolfy**


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